4th Time in 4 Years…No Guilt

I seem to be publishing more videos on Youtube recently than writing here on my blog so, if you want to keep current with what I’m up to, check out my Youtube channel here: I’m A Mom Too.

I’m writing today because I’m enjoying something and wanted to share it with you. Ii’m currently enjoying…

a chai latte…

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caesar salad…and sweet potato fries.

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This may not be a big deal to some and normally, it’s just a little treat to be able to go out and enjoy these foods at a cafe, on a weekend when the kids are at their dad’s, and where I didn’t have to cook.

Today however, it’s a bigger deal. See, my ex-husband (the kids’ father) asked last week if he could pick the kids up from school tonight. Random request, even though our Court Order states that he is supposed to pick the kids up from school every other Friday for the weekends they are with him AND also every Wednesday night for an overnight. He doesn’t. I drop the kids off at their dad’s at 7pm every other Friday and he doesn’t do the mid-week visit because he works out of town.

An added thorn in my side is that, despite being in Court twice and mentioning that he has never talked to me about whether it’s ok if he doesn’t do the mid-week visits (which frankly, it doesn’t matter to me…but I’m sure the kids would love to see him every Wednesday). He even emailed me months ago asking if the kids can come back to me mid-week when they are at his place over the summer for “four non-consecutive weeks”, stating how “important it is” for the kids to see each parent throughout the week…umm, I know. I’m the one cleaning up the pieces every time they tell me they want to see him more often than for four days per month. He’s also never taken me up each time in Court when I suggest we “switch” some of that mid-week time to one-on-one time for each of us, with each of our twins, on one of the weekends they are supposed to be with me in a month. His response is always “we’ll see”…which I’ve learned to translate as “no, but I don’t want to outright say that”.

So, here I enjoy the FOURTH time in four years where I haven’t had to rush to pick the kids up from school, IBI therapy or meet my son’s bus…three of those four times were when I had to arrange for the kids’ dad to pick them up from school because I had an out-of-town event (the 4th time, my boyfriend picked them up).

This is the FOURTH time in four years where I’ve had the time flexibility to chit chat with my colleagues after my shift is done because I’m currently at placement related to my return to school in Fall 2013.

This is the FOURTH time in four years that I haven’t had to make the kids’ after school snack because they are “starving” and haven’t “eaten in forever” as soon as they walk in the door.

This the FOURTH time in four years that I have been able to enjoy a leisurely way to get home. To stop at a cafe, enjoy some youtube videos, people watch, see the mom and little girl in the booth next to mine on a “mother-daughter date”, and write just because I enjoy writing. Not write an essay or assignment for school (although I should be because I have logs I have to submit for my placement, but I don’t feel like it).

I’m just spending some time doing NOTHING. I don’t have to be anywhere for another three hours. I may go for a walk along the waterfront after I’m done in the cafe. Who knows? I have three more hours to waste…and I’m not going to feel guilty about it. I’m going to enjoy my chai. Enjoy the sun shining outside. Enjoy this fourth time in four years.

Cheers!

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A $20 Fix Stopped My Son’s Frustrations (#Autism)

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My son broke the zipper on his winter jacket on Friday, right before I dropped him off at his dad’s for the weekend. I brought it to his dad’s attention when I dropped the kids off, with the hope he would be able to get the zipper fixed or replaced, or (depending upon the cost of that) replace the jacket itself. I was so worried about the 3 of them going to the local Santa Claus parade he next day with my son having a broken zipper…it’s starting to get cold here now for the winter.

 

I picked the kids up on Sunday and my son immediately started saying “zipper broken” as soon as he got in the car. He fidgeted all the way home, screeched, repeating “zipper broken” and “fix zipper”, then asking for my man because he’s the one who fixes everything that gets broken. My son was clearly very upset and just needed it to be fixed. When we got home, he threw his jacket on the floor, said “broken”, stepped on it and started his circuits around the inside of the house (hello stim!). I was shocked by this as he’s always hangs up his jacket.

 

Thankfully, I had foreseen this situation and was able to get a free (!!!) winter jacket from a friend of mine whose son had outgrown it so I sent my son to school today wearing that jacket. Then, my man and I went to a seamstress he has used in town a number of times, and she was able to make it next on her priority list so we dropped it off at 10:30am and picked it up at 12:30pm after running some errands. She even made sure that the zipper itself was big enough for my son’s fine motor skills ability. Even better, it only cost $20 plus tax!!

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My heart hurts with the idea that my son went for 2 full days with a broken zipper. It wasn’t overly cold this past weekend but he definitely needed a winter jacket that closed properly, especially if he was going to be standing outside in the cold for the parade (thankfully, they didn’t go because it was cold and raining). It hurts that they went to the park with my son’s zipper broken. It hurts that either the zipper or the jacket weren’t replaced by the time I picked him up again. It hurts thinking of the discomfort (both physically in the cold and emotionally) he may have experienced through during the weekend.

 

I am thankful though is that I have such awesome friends who immediately offered their son’s outgrown jacket so I could take my son’s jacket in to get fixed. I am thankful to get it fixed so quickly…and the icing on the cake was that it was only $20! He will be so happy to have his winter coat back when he gets home from school!

#StepMomMagazine – April Issue Review

April cover

Step Mom Magazine updated their Facebook status recently asking if any stepmoms in a certain area in the US were available to host events. I sent them a message stating that if they were looking to host events in Canada, I was their girl. Brenda (the editor) and I chatted through Facebook for a couple days, and then she found out I have a blog and asked if I would mind reviewing the magazine. I was excited about the opportunity, and after reading through the April issue of the magazine, it did NOT disappoint.

 

The articles were honest, informative and right on point. Two articles from the April issue were a very interesting read for me:

  • Moms and Stepmoms – Can’t We All Just Get Along?
  • Venom from the Ex-Wife – She Doesn’t Hate You, She Hates What You Represent

 

I always heard and continue to hear from girlfriends who have this horrible relationship with the mother of their stepchildren. I never had that. We just didn’t have a relationship (until my ex and divorced…then we had LOTS to talk about!). All details were determined between my then husband and his ex. In fact, I remember vividly once when they were in Court when I was pregnant and we were all in a smaller room in the courthouse trying to mediate some points. The two of them were arguing and he brought up about how much she must hate me because I make him happy and was having twins which he claimed was what she always wanted. I was shocked embarrassed, and just plain horrified he would say that. She just calmly said that no, she didn’t hate me; that she actually thought I was very nice. I was stunned, and really happy from that comment. I am a Libra after all…we want everyone to like us! 😉

 

The article entitled “Stepmoms and Anxiety” describes anxiety really well, whether or not you are a stepmom, and explains realistic tools to incorporate in your every day life. A real-life situation is listed and the inner monologue broken down to reduce the anxiety associated.

 

In “Intrinsic Motivation”, there are 2 points listed for homework which I’m going to try:

  • “Every time you find yourself looking to your outside world to explain your unhappiness, shift to taking responsibil­ity for your internal world.”
  • “Whenever you find your­self blaming another (the ex, your partner, your stepchildren, your boss), or using an excuse, ask yourself how you can be more accountable for your inner state.”

 

The April issue was a great trip down memory lane, back to the beginning of my marriage, when I first became a stepmom. I’m blessed that, despite being divorced from her father, my stepdaughter and I have a great relationship, and I look forward to every time she comes to visit us.

 

Can’t wait to read the May issue, which is now released. Go check it out!

 

Meghan was given a one-year subscription in exchange for reviews of Step Mom Magazine.

Fill in the Blank Friday – May the 4th be with you…

1.  My bedtime routine includes picking up toys from the floor, checking social media, getting ready for bed, reading, talking with my man on the phone, then off to sleep.

 

2.   I am happily divorced! 🙂

 

3.  I can’t stand when the Playdoh colours mix together because it’s just wrong!

 

4. My idea of relaxation would be curling up with my man, with warm cup of chai, blanket and reading some silly chick-lit book…don’t worry honey, I wouldn’t ask/expect you to read the chick-lit book. 😉

 

5. If I had an extra $50, I would fill up my gas tank fully instead of only half. 😉
6. The best thing about a bloggy friend is hmmm…not sure. Have made some “bloggy friends” but I can’t really identify a “best thing” about them.

 

7.  A recipe I’ve been dying to try is hmmm…another one I’m not sure about. I was just looking through my recipe books today actually, wanting to get back to cooking the way I used to.

Thankful Thursday – 05/04

This week, I’m thankful for:

  • my son and daughter
  • my son’s IBI service provider – he’s doing awesome!
  • my daughter and I have a tea party tonight
  • having the opportunity to find some inner strength I didn’t know was in me
  • getting my divorce present for myself

What are you thankful for?