In New Year’s Resolutions: Goals for the Not So Perfect Stepmom, it actually admits “a perfect stepmom doesn’t exist” so Gayla Grace offers some resolutions of how to keep going on days when you want to quit:
- let go of the stepmom guilt
- forgive yourself when you fall
- seek out support from other stepmoms on hard days (this was especially hard for me in the beginning as I was the first to become a stepmom in my friend circle…now, there’s the Facebook…)
- recognize the significance of loyalty conflict and how it affects your stepchildren
- listen to your heart on how to parent your stepchild instead of others’ opinions (I think this runs true as any type of parent)
- take time (for yourself) to regroup when the step-parenting strain takes over
- realize that time is on your side
The article Eyes Wide Open: How to Marry a Man With Kids asks important questions regarding telling exes or not about the wedding, considering a prenup, etc. As excited as you are about the wedding of your dreams, there are certain realities of marrying a man with children:
- keep your eyes wide open to the realities and potential complications of stepfamily life
- remember that a wedding is only one day but a marriage is the rest of your life
- take a weekend retreat with your partner before the wedding
- don’t take anything personally
- go on a honeymoon without the kids
High Conflict People: A Guide to Understanding & Managing Difficult Personalities spoke to me. One thing that I truly believe and agree with in this article is to always remember that the High Conflict Person believes “they are being reasonable and their actions, even if violent, are completely justified so it is fruitless to get angry…”. Been there. Lived that.
There was also an interview about an interesting film called SPLIT: A film for kids of divorce (and the parents). I have not seen the film but I’m very intrigued now. It’s a documentary about divorce, from a child’s perspective, interviewing 12 kids, ranging in ages from six to twelve.
I’m very blunt whenever I hear anyone is getting married…doesn’t matter who you are, how much either of you make, or how much you love the person, get a prenup! The prenup my father insisted my (then) fiancé and I sign before we got married, definitely came in handy when we divorced. Everything was laid out very clearly, so there was little fighting over assets and liabilities we both brought into the marriage. In Do we really need a prenup: How spelling things out create stronger stepcouples, the steps are laid out very clearly:
- Determine whether it is wise for you to have a prenup
- Realize you already have a prenup (ie: laws in your jurisdiction)
- Discuss and determine what to include in your prenup (dos and don’ts)
In YOLO: You only live once – piercings, tattoos and a stepmother’s love are forever, the stepmom describes why she went ahead and got matching tattoos with her stepdaughter. I love this quote from the article: “In 2014, at the age of 42, it is likely that I will get my first tattoo and it will match a tattoo on my stepdaughter. Why? Because she asked me, and if I don’t do it, she may never ask again. I know it will be there forever and will never change, juts like my love for her.”
To top it all off, the editor Brenda Ockun is the featured Stepmom for the issue. I’ve never met her in person, but have corresponded with her for almost a year. A beautiful woman, inside and out!
Meghan was given a year subscription for her review of the StepMom Magazine.