My #MothersDay

I got to pick my kids up early from their dad’s because it’s Mother’s Day. I had already seen my son’s Mother’s Day card, which he made at IBI. His therapist had written the words, and he had placed the hearts. He also gave it to me that day by saying “Happy Mother’s Day”…my heart melted.

But my daughter had brought her card and present home in a plastic bag with very strict instructions for me NOT to open it until Mother’s Day. She was really excited to come home to finally open and show it to me. A tear may have happened when she read the poem to me.

      

I also bought myself something for Mother’s Day, not that it’s much of a surprise if you read my blog regularily:

An extra special part of my Mother’s Day weekend though was when my stepdaughter came with my man and I to an SCA event (medieval re-enacting). She asked if she could come a few months ago and this weekend was the first one that was relatively nearby and on a weekend when she could come. She’s a huge history buff, so I wasn’t surprised that she asked. Because all three of us competed in different tournaments throughout the day (she and I did archery), we each received a carnation representing that we were fighting for eachother.

Once I found the right medication combination to battle the massive migraine I got this afternoon because of the crazy weather we’re having, I have gone back to enjoying being a mom (instead of being passed out on the couch, waking only when they ask me for something), and loving how unique and wonderful each of my 3 kids are.

#MomsMeTimeTO Reminded Us of the Importance of #MeTime

I had the honour of speaking at #MomsMeTimeTO last Friday, sharing my story of parenting 7yo boy/girl twins with special needs, and being part of my stepdaughter’s support network as well. The message for the conference was to remind moms that we need to take time for ourselves as well.

The message I hoped to get across was to remind moms to “put your oxygen mask on first”. We all get overwhelmed and stressed but it’s how you deal with that stress that is key to how well you can parent your children. I don’t pretend to have it all figured out…far from it, I am constantly working on balancing my stress levels. Keys to managing my stress levels include my weekly yoga class, journaling, meditating, knitting, meeting with my counsellor once a month, spending time with my man and friends, and gasp, disconnecting from social media. I don’t do each of these things daily, but I do know that when I’m feeling overwhelmed and don’t want to go out and interact with others, that’s the most important time for me to get out, and spend time with people. I’m an extrovert…I get my energy by spending time with people…I refill my emotional tank, so to speak.

Most of the attendees were fellow bloggers so it was kind of fun seeing everyone looking at their smart phones, or typing away on their laptops. Later that evening, I checked Twitter to find that people had been tweeting during my talk…and I was honoured by what they were saying!

Of course, with a room with lots of bloggers, the blogs are starting to be shared now so here are some of them:

Little Miss Kat & Co: “Fun weekend with #MomsMeTimeTO“

SoberJulie: “A Weekend For Me – #MomsMeTimeTO“

A Vision For Our Kids: “Defining Your Own Serenity“

1 Heart, 1 Family: “Ten Things I Learned From #MomsMeTimeTO” <added April 9, 2013>

Ideally Speaking: “A Wonderful Weekend with #MomsMeTimeTO” <added April 12, 2013>

Best of all, I met some amazing ladies on the one day I was there…can’t wait to tweet, facebook and chat with each of them!

Our Christmas Memories

This year, my kids were with me for Christmas Eve and most of Christmas day. It was lovely waking up with them and seeing the gleam in their eyes when they saw all the presents under the tree.  My daughter wanted the “job” of handing out presents to everyone, which she did enthusiastically. She also volunteered to “help” everyone open their presents, whether we wanted her to or not…but that’s all part of the excitement of being a kid at Christmas!

My son wasn’t interested in the presents. He was more interested in his iPad so, note to future self: hide his iPad the night before Christmas so he can enjoy opening his presents, then he can have his iPad. Poor little guy started getting sick later that day so he hasn’t played with or used many of his presents but they are waiting for him when he gets back to his usual self.

My favourite part of Christmas this year though was when my stepdaughter came to visit. She gave my daughter a big doll house (her mom even had to drive her rather than her taking the bus to get here because it’s so big!). It was wonderful listening to them work together at setting it up. Then the two girls went outside to play in the snow, throwing snowballs, and building a snowman and fort. They even “tricked” me by calling me outside. Thankfully, my stepdaughter suggested I wear my winter coat when I came outside. As it turned out, my girls had made some snowballs to throw at me and, when my back was turned, they threw a shovel-full on me…witnessed (and laughed at) by one of my neighbours too.

Christmastime is all about family memories.

Obviously, My Brain Was Disconnected

Clearly my brain was not attached yesterday as I posted a “Wordless Wednesday” post on a Tuesday, felt like I was going to fall asleep at any second starting at 10am and it didn’t go away throughout the day, and I even tripped pretty badly when picking my daughter up at her bus stop after school. Bottom of my foot felt “bent” and seem to have buggered up my knee and thigh, so I’m hoping my chiropractor will be able to address those.

Because of my disconnected day yesterday, I thought I would take a moment on 12-12-12 to say my “thankfuls”, so I’m thankful for:

• my son and daughter
• my stepdaughter
• my man
• not completely falling when I tripped, which may have resulted in breaking my wrist AGAIN…ugh!
• getting some things done around our home yesterday that made it more comfy and “purdy”
• my man not getting hurt when he was putting up outdoor Christmas lights (I was REALLY nervous)
• being able to use my label maker so frequently in the past few days (what can I say? I’m a geek!)

And with it ACTUALLY being Wednesday today, here’s my newest contribution to “Wordless Wednesday“: 40kg (90ish lbs) of flour, separated out for my household and my man’s mom’s household. I foresee LOTS of Christmas baking for both of us in the near future.

Vent About Ignorance Related to #Autism / #SpecialNeeds

 

I saw something online recently (I can’t remember where and I didn’t even make note of where I found it because it ticked me off so much) where someone was contemplating if parents of kids with Autism regret having their kids, and that she (I’m assuming the post was written by a female) didn’t think she could go through a pregnancy if she knew that would be the outcome.

Before I start on my vent about this statement, I have been trying to understand for the last couple of weeks where she is coming from because understanding equals non-judgement.  Unfortunately, having a son with Autism, I have come to the conclusion that I can’t think about this statement without judgement.

So, the short answer is NO, I DON’T REGRET having either of my kids. They are both amazing, challenging, interesting, complicated, funny and happy children who will do amazing things with their lives, as we all do. Just because my son has Autism doesn’t make him any less or more “valuable” than any other child. Every child is a precious gift.

On a daily basis, I deal with “looks” from other parents if my son is melting down in public, people tell me I need to permanently institutionalize my son (to “humour” these people, I asked the professionals in the field if he was “bad enough” to institutionalize and, after they stopped laughing, they gave me their official answer of “no, he isn’t”), people assuming he’s stupid and won’t amount to anything, parenting “advice” from people who think they know how to handle my son’s triggers better than I do, and people who tell me they “know Autism” because they’ve seen a documentary, etc. I’ve been on this journey long enough to know that it’s easier to listen to what they all have to say (because every once in a while there is a golden nugget that I can change slightly to actually be helpful), thank them for sharing, and move on. Don’t get me wrong, in the beginning, it was horrifying to receive the “looks” and “advice”, but until you live with someone with Autism 24/7, and the sleep-deprivation that goes along with it, with respect, you have no idea what you are talking about.

I know that my life will always involve additional responsibilities to my son, as it will for my daughter and step-daughter, no matter what their medical, social or other needs are. My son just has a few more additional needs to ensure he’s capable of being an independent and happy person.

At the end of the day, I hope that the woman who made the initial statement never has to deal with anything “extraordinary”. I hope for her sake, that her child(ren) are neurotypical, never struggle in any subject in school, break a bone, etc; or that she and/or her partner never get any age-related conditions as they grow old. She wouldn’t be able to handle any of these things.

For fear of sounding flakey, kids with special needs choose their parents because the parents can handle it (even on days when we feel we can’t do it anymore!) and, because as my new t-shirt my man got me says, we have superpowers!!