Sex Ed From a 6 Year Old

My 6 year old daughter is a natural mama.  If a bunch of kids come to play at the park, she will end up with the baby and the mom, gently pushing the baby on the swing, and talking the mom’s ear off.  She will hover over any stroller, just waiting with great anticipation for the baby to wake up and, when he/she does, my daughter is ready to entertain.

She talks a lot about me having more babies, and the number ranges from her having another brother and sister to 10 babies…I “belt them out” in pairs (she has a twin brother), but still…another 5 pregnancies?  Ummm…I’ll get back to you on that.

Wanted to share a conversation between my 6 year old daughter and I earlier this week.

“Mommy?”

“Yes honey.”

“When I’m big, I’m going to be pregnant.”

“When you’re big like mommy, yes you probably will.” – need to start the brainwashing early

“I’m going to have twins in my tummy like you did.”

“You may honey.  You may also have one baby instead of two in your tummy at a time, and that’s just as special.  How many babies do you want to have?”

“Lots.  They are cute.”

“Yes, they are, and lots of work too so you have to be a grown up first.” – more brainwashing.

Silence for a few minutes…

“Mommy?”

“Yes honey.”

“You were pregnant in your tummy.”

“Yes honey.”

“How did we get in your tummy?”  C ~ R ~ A ~ P  Umm…thought she would be a bit older than 6 before this question was asked, and NOT while I was driving back from camp.

“Daddy and I loved each other very much and he helped me.”  Please don’t ask how…please don’t ask how…crap…did she notice the past tense…I don’t want to have the divorce discussion now too…

“How did he help you?” Double C ~ R ~ A ~ P 

“Honey, that’s a conversation we can have when you are older, and when mommy’s not driving.  It’s a really big girl conversation and I want to be able to answer any questions you have.”

“OK mommy. I love you, and I want babies just like you did.”

And then she started singing along with the music, while I silently prayed for that “really big girl conversation” to be many years from now.

I never know what to say

Moving to a new town means a new home, new surroundings, new experiences, new schedules and meeting new people (or reconnecting with childhood friends like I am since we moved back to my hometown).  I’m not a shy person (by far!) so I have no problem striking up a conversation with someone.  Eventually though, the dreaded question is asked… “So, what do you do for a living?”. 

 

As a former career-girl, I’m still quite tongue-tied by this question.  I proudly use to say that I had to find a man who was willing and able to be the stay at home dad because I was going back to work as soon as I could after giving birth.  My career was my focus, and I was proud of it.  Having children changed everything!  When I HAD to go back to work when my twins were 3 months old because I didn’t have benefits (in Canada, we can take up to a year) so my (now ex-) husband stayed home for 7 months as his work had top-up.  Since then, I have regretted having to go back to work and I’m glad I get the opportunity to be with them now.

 

A year and a half ago, I unexpectedly became a SAHM, partly because I couldn’t find childcare and partly (mostly) because of my marriage breaking up.  Last fall, I had secured a full time contract back in my former career, at a level where it was as if I hadn’t been away from that career track for 4 years.  Unfortunately, 6 weeks into the position, my childcare fell through.  Finding care for my daughter is easy because she’s “neurotypical” but finding care for my son is a bit more complicated because he has Autism. 

 

When I say that my job is looking after my kids, I’m still not at the point of saying it with pride, even though I am very proud of it!  Friends have looked after my kids for the odd commitment I’ve had where their father couldn’t take them, and they usually tell me that they don’t know how I do it, they didn’t realize how much my son needed to be watched like a hawk, and that I make it look so easy. ~Blush~

 

So, when I’m asked what I do for a living, I tend to use the past tense: “I used to be a fundraiser, and an organizer, now I’m a SAHM.”  Logically, I know that if anyone else has a “problem” with it or looks down on me for “wasting” my university education and 2 college diplomas on being a SAHM, that’s their problem.  The question is, how do I change my own thinking so I can stop being “apologetic” to myself about being a SAHM? 

 

Perhaps I should switch out the words “Stay-At-Home-Mom” with the 2^nd definition of the acronym “SAHM” on this online dictionary … “Sexy And Hot Momma”…tee hee…  

 

Speak Up For Special Needs!

 

 

 

Was at the Early Years Centre this morning with my soon-to-be (next Wednesday!) 6 year old DS for its “Something Special” program offered every Thursday morning.  It’s a program where parents of kids with special needs and their children can come and play.  The toys put out are more sensory-based than when we regularly go there.

 

I was speaking with another mom whom I met last week.  Her son is entering Kindergarten this September and we have been chatting about how to advocate for your child.  She’s having an issue with her son playing soccer.  The coach’s son is bullying her child a bit, and instigating bad behaviour in her child.  I was offering suggestions of the type of language she can use with the assistant coach as she’s pretty sure the assistant coach is aware of the issue, based on comments he’s made in the past. 

 

She’s a very calm and quiet woman so I was trying to encourage her that this situation she’s encountered with soccer will be great practice for her in advocating for her son in Kindergarten in the fall.  The big difference she and I had walking into Kindergarten was that my son has an official diagnosis (of Autism) whereas her son doesn’t yet have a diagnosis. 

 

My kids had been in daycare prior to Kindergarten so we didn’t have to work on transitioning to school at all…especially since their former daycare centre was located in a school.  That made it a bit easier for my son.  In Grade 1 this September however, he will be attending a special needs class at school AND (hopefully) IBI will have started/be starting. 

 

My biggest advice to parents of children with special needs, diagnosed or not, is learn how to be assertive with the school system.  If your child can/may/will benefit from something, ask for it to be implemented.  If you work with the school, they will usually try to do as much to accommodate HOWEVER, also empower yourself with your school board’s policies related to special needs and special needs accommodation in the classroom.  Request a meeting with your principal (and teacher and Educational Assistant) prior to school starting, and continue to follow up until you get that meeting.  Be the “squeaky wheel” but please be nice about it. 

 

Arm yourself with information and knowledge because YOU are your child’s best

and sometimes ONLY advocate!

Proof of “Never Say Never”

 

I left my small hometown of 2,000+ people when I was 18 to venture across the country for post-secondary education.  My parents “ruthlessly” sold my childhood home (How dare they?!) in the summer before I left and moved to a farm before I visited for Christmas break of first year university.  So, I packed for university and packed everything else I had for their move.  I left my hometown saying I would “never move back until I owned my childhood home again”.  Well, never say never.

 

Fast forward 16 years.  I moved back across the country, got married, have amazing almost 6 year old twins, am now getting divorced, and the kids and I have moved to the family farm; back to my hometown.  In the past 16 years, I have lived in 2 provinces and 3 metropolitan areas, and am now getting reacclimatized to small-town living. 

 

I was pleasantly surprised to find out that library is open every day of the week, but not the number of hours in the day as it is in a city.  I was shocked to see the sign on the front door of one of the satellite library locations has Wi-fi!  Having said that, the family farm also has Wi-fi…but I digress…

 

There’s only one Early Years Centre BUT, it has OFF-SITE playgroups at various parks in the area, with staff and one volunteer from the centre to help the parents in attendance with their kids, and set up different activities.  It also has a special needs-specific program offered every Thursday morning, which was nice to attend this week to start meeting other parents of children with special needs in the area.  Staff at the Centre are so excited because “there’s a new family in town”.  DD is even attending one of the French programs, that is run by a family friend whom I babysat for as a teenager.

 

I forgot that people here tend to get married and have children earlier than I did.  I remember some friends were surprised that I was going to university to get an education (gasp!) rather than a husband (double gasp!).  It seems that many of my childhood friends got married by 21 or 22, had their first child within a year so now that we are all in our mid- to late-30s, they have pre-teen and teenagers while I’m chasing after almost 6 year old twins.  It’s a very strange realization to find out that I’m an “older mom” here.  I talked with my best friend from highschool tonight, only to find that her son is now 12 years old – he’s still 5 in my mind; my almost 6 year olds are still babies in her mind.

 

I’m having a hard time getting used to the slower pace for everything here.  Everyone works REALLY hard (my dad has cut, turned, bailed and stored more than 100 bales of hay this week, on his own…and it’s “just” a hobby farm – my parents still run their own business full time!) but the panic and stress inherent in city life just don’t seem to be here.  People actually drive the speed limit or under (you mean it’s not just a “guideline”?) here, which feels very foreign to me.  Having said that, you can get everywhere within a 15 mins drive so really, what’s the rush?

 

In the end, I think I will have to change my original “never move back until I own my childhood home again” to:

“I WILL own my childhood home again…someday”.

Losing His First Tooth

 

 

 

 

 

I posted a blog called “Losing Her First Tooth” on Mom Nation today, and right after hitting “publish”, I checked my DS’s teeth to see if he had any loose, only to find that he had lost the exact same tooth as DD!

 

DS was eating rice cakes (sundried tomato and basil – they are great with melted cheese too…just saying!) and, when I went to check if any teeth were loose, I was surprised to find one missing, then my mini-panic started. Did he swallow the tooth? Is it on/in the couch somewhere? Rice cakes can be messy and there were rice cake “droppings” everywhere. I called DD over from the neighbour’s to help me look for it. DS walked over, picked up a white fleck and handed it to me. It was his tooth! Pretty amazing connection for him! (He has Autism).

 

He’s been touching the area on his gums a bit, but still continues to eat his rice cakes. I’ve talked with him about how it’s even more important that we brush his teeth every single day (it used to be a huge fight – now, there’s resistance, but he does it) because a grown-up tooth will grow into that hole where the baby tooth was.

 

My “little man” is growing up!

Losing My “Virginity”…

 

 

 

 

Tomorrow I’m having my first surgery ever. Yup, in my mid-thirties and there are a few things that people are amazed at…I have never dyed my hair (why would I? I’m a natural redhead!), had my first cavity at 31 years old, AND have never had surgery. The closest I go was having a couple teeth pulled when I was a kid because they had been wiggling forever and wouldn’t come out. Broke my arm as a kid, but no surgery required. I even gave birth to twins without a C-section for crying out loud!

 

Anticipating my first surgery feels like I’m losing my virginity…the nerves, fear, anxiety, the heart palpitations, the excitement, etc. Will I feel different after?

 

~ If you get queasy with medical information,

do NOT read the next paragraph…you have been warned ~

 

I’m having what’s called a Vaginal Myomectomy. Basically means that I have a mass in my uterus (and it’s not a baby…or two in my case!) that needs to be removed. This fibroid grew to 5cm within a year (what can I say? I’m an incubator!), and has been the bane of my existence for the last 3 years. As each month passed, my periods became heavier and heavier, and more and more painful. By the time they put me into chemically-induced menopause the 2^nd time (shrinks the fibroid), a “normal” period for me was 2 weeks “on”, 1 week off, and repeat. The pain was unbelievable, and I couldn’t leave the house for 3 – 5 days, and was going to washroom every 20 mins, day and night (therefore no sleep!). Not good when I’m a SAHM to 5yo twins. Their father would help when his schedule allowed, and my friends filled in whenever possible too.

 

My obgyn didn’t feel skilled enough (nor did any of her colleagues) to remove it without removing my uterus. What??!! I was still married when they found the fibroid and still wanted to keep the option of having more kids open so I was NOT impressed. Thankfully, my obgyn found a specialist (with the same first name as me!) who has, to quote her, “removed bigger and badder” fibroids. Phew! She can also remove it without a C-section-type entry, therefore only needing a few days to recover instead of months. Double phew! Felt kinda weird to go to appointments at a fertility clinic though – my twins were “natural”.

 

So, my fibroid is FINALLY being removed, and I can no longer say things like I did to my father a couple of weekends ago: “I’m menopausal AND having PMS. Don’t screw with me” but I’ll be glad to see the end of it. 

Extreme Couponing Wannabe

I was planning on going to be relatively early last night but made the mistake of checking Twitter first. Someone tweeted about Extreme Couponing being on TLC…damn. Another hour of my life disappeared. I’ll admit it…I’m an extreme coupon wannabe.

I experience a type of “high” when watching these people on Extreme Couponing as the cash register rings in hundreds of dollars and all those coupons bring the price down to 0% – 10% of the actual retail value. What drives me crazy though is that the only way it seems to be able to do that kind of extreme couponing, one has to live in the US. Grrr.

My couponing experience has been very slow, but I’m trying to change that. When my kids were born, I was found out there is a “VIB – Very Important Baby” points program at Shoppers Drug Mart. It increases the points available for items purchased for babies and moms, which was VERY handy when buying diapers for twins! The points system was so good when the kids were born that I would guess for the first couple of years, I had enough points after almost every transaction to get free products when I redeemed the points. Shoppers Drug Mart changed the point system late last year, so one has to buy more to redeem points, but I just save up the points for when money is tight.

Last Christmas was my first Christmas as a single mom. Knowing I couldn’t afford many presents at full retail price, I went searching on Kijiji.ca for items I knew my kids would like…and it worked! I spent less than $100 on gifts for my 5yo twins and Christmas decorations, plus gas to pick everything up (which wasn’t as expensive in December!). The Christmas tree was beautifully decorated, gifts were aplenty without being extravagant, and the kids were not impacted by the reduced income in our home so we were able to enjoy the time together.

I have used Save.ca and Websaver.ca sporadically over the years, but whenever I went online to find other similar websites, I was frustrated with the MAJORITY of online coupon websites only being valid in the US. Then I found Extreme Couponing Mom on Facebook! I’m totally addicted to checking her posts on Facebook, and going through everything on her website. I’ve even ordered her e-book and binder kit (which includes more coupons) and am so looking forward to receiving both! I think the last time I was this excited about having purchased something was when I ordered labels from Mabel’s Labels!

I don’t have the space for the stockpiles the families on TLC’s Extreme Couponing have, but if I can save money each week, it goes a really long way for my kids and I.

(PS – I wasn’t paid for any of these mentions…I just really like sharing when I find great products and services!!)

Introducing…

I’ve written a few different blogs over the past couple of years, very topic-specific. For the last year and a half, I have found myself as a SAHM to my beautiful 5 year old twins, boy/girl. Always knew that being a SAHM was the toughest job in the world, but I didn’t realize it was this tough! As with any job, there are good days and bad days, highs and lows. The great thing about twins though is that there may be double the mess but there’s also double the hugs and kisses…which are the greatest payment one can receive.

So, while I’m muddling my way through being chef (trust me, I use that term lightly!), laundromat, cleaner (another lightly used term), personal assistant, “doctor mom”, chauffeur, coach, social calendar manager, educational consultant, Autism advocate, and many other roles I’m discovering every single day, I thought I would share my madness with the world. So…hold on tight!

________

TWINS

There’s two to wash, there’s two to dry
There’s two that argue, there’s two who cry

One’s in the mud having a ball
The other holds a crayon, another marked wall

Some days seem endless
My patience wears thin
Why was I chosen to be a mother of twins?

The answer comes clear at the end of each day
As I tuck them in bed, I say to myself:
There’s two to kiss
There’s two to hug
But best of all there’s two to love
~MultipleBirthParents.com