My #MothersDay

I got to pick my kids up early from their dad’s because it’s Mother’s Day. I had already seen my son’s Mother’s Day card, which he made at IBI. His therapist had written the words, and he had placed the hearts. He also gave it to me that day by saying “Happy Mother’s Day”…my heart melted.

But my daughter had brought her card and present home in a plastic bag with very strict instructions for me NOT to open it until Mother’s Day. She was really excited to come home to finally open and show it to me. A tear may have happened when she read the poem to me.

      

I also bought myself something for Mother’s Day, not that it’s much of a surprise if you read my blog regularily:

An extra special part of my Mother’s Day weekend though was when my stepdaughter came with my man and I to an SCA event (medieval re-enacting). She asked if she could come a few months ago and this weekend was the first one that was relatively nearby and on a weekend when she could come. She’s a huge history buff, so I wasn’t surprised that she asked. Because all three of us competed in different tournaments throughout the day (she and I did archery), we each received a carnation representing that we were fighting for eachother.

Once I found the right medication combination to battle the massive migraine I got this afternoon because of the crazy weather we’re having, I have gone back to enjoying being a mom (instead of being passed out on the couch, waking only when they ask me for something), and loving how unique and wonderful each of my 3 kids are.

Morning #kid cuteness

This morning, I experienced moments that make everything worthwhile. The fact that my kids slept in until 7am was amazing. I woke up at 6:30, puttered around, did my own thing and enjoyed the quiet and stillness of the morning.

 

Just before 7am, I checked in on my daughter who had crawled into my bed overnight. She was soundly sleeping. I then checked in on my son who, as it turned out, was stirring awake. I crawled in beside him, said good morning and he quickly turned over, threw his arm around my neck and pulled me closer, while saying good morning too. We lay there cuddling for a while, and he would say “happy” and “I love you” a few times.

 

About 10 mins later, we went into my room to wake up my daughter. We both crawled into bed and I started rubbing her back. My son leaned over, said good morning, gave his sister a kiss, and rubbed her back too.  My daughter stirred awake, and cuddled up with me. For a few minutes, I had both my babies cuddled up to me, and everything was perfect in my world.

 

A few minutes later, my daughter jumped out of bed and we were up for the day.

You Might Be An #Autism Parent If…

Borrowed from Autism Spectrum Disorder, Through My Eyes‘ Facebook Page. Have experienced the majority of these with my son.

• Your 8 yr old has mastered every level of Lego Star Wars but can’t put on his own shirt w/out help.
• You’re not sure who needs the padded helmet w/ faceguard more…your kid, or you.
• You know its a bad day when you find all the trains lined up
• You have more people that understand you in other states and countries than in your own neighborhood.
• You have to communicate in sequences….i.e. first brush teeth, then bedtime.
• You get so excited when your child masters a skill that he/she is a year or more delayed in!
• You know *just* how much silence is too much silence. And then you run to check on them.
• You use the phrase “use your words” repeatedly throughout the day
• Your son is 8 years old but still pees on his pants at least once a week.
• Your child makes up un-funny jokes in an attempt to understand humor, irony, and metaphor – unsuccessfully.
• The school staff hates to see you coming! Because they know you’re not taking any crap when it comes to your kids!
• You make up songs for almost anything because your kid responds better to it.
• You have a heart attack when you see the school phone number on the caller i.d. Shit! What did he do now?
• You’ve ever carried a screaming, flailing child out of a store & you knew it was for the best.
• There are days you feel and look like a battered wife because your child had a major meltdown
• You’re accused of being overly protective of your child, and overly sensitive to popular culture!
• Your kid has the hardest time telling you the simplest of things, but can turn Legos into amazing things with no plans
• Your child tells a joke over and over until somebody laughs
• Every activity you do comes with a series of warnings approaching the end of the activity.
• You can’t vacuum without a 15 minute warning announcement
• You’re sometimes amazed at the sounds and faces your child can make in a day!
• You have had someone say “maybe if you were more consistent….” and you want to gut punch them
• It doesn’t matter how cold it is, your child WILL NOT go to sleep without the fan on in his room.
• Anything “_____tard” is likely to not only offend, but infuriate you!
• You start to realize the apple doesn’t fall far from the…hey is that a squirrel?
• You really relate to ‘ Gerald Mc Boing Boing’
• Your twitter friends understand you and your child better than your local friends
• You know exactly what a pooptastrophe is and are happy beyond words when your child outgrows this behavior.
• Everytime ANYONE comes to your house your child tries to hijack them to come play legos with him.
• You have to think through EVERYTHING you need to say first so that your child doesn’t take something literally.
• You sigh when other people tell you how their parents handled that when THEY were kids.
• You’ve given a complete stranger a tongue lashing for suggesting your kid has a discipline problem
• You’re used to strangers looking to you for translation because they couldn’t understand a word your kid said
• You sometimes have to remind yourself there are a lot worse things that could happen to your child than autism.
• You avoid public bathrooms because they are too loud and cause sensory overload.
• People always question your child’s behaviour and the way you raise your child.
• You see no problem with your child scooting around on the floor with his head down for hours making weird sounds
• You’ve apologized to restaurant staff because your child said the place smelled bad and you had to leave.
• There are lines and lines and LINES of small toys all over the place
• You know your child was given dairy milk at school because he’s acting crazier than normal.
• Your child refers to a friend as “The Third Boy” rather than by name even after a year.
• You forget how delayed your child’s speech is until you hear a 4 yr old talk better than your 8 yr old
• You still get nervous before an IEP no matter how many times you’ve had one.
• You dont even blink an eye when seeing a child twirling and flapping in public
• You have to buy your child’s favorite food in bulk quantities because anything else you buy will go uneaten.
• You have the child locks on your car doors because your child has tried to jump out driving down the road.
• Your 7 year old has designed 40 different versions of the Dominator from Storm Chasers
• It makes you sick when other normal kids your child’s age make comments or stare during an inclusive sport
• You feel like a stuck record when asking a kid to do a simple as “put your jacket on”
• You think a meltdown is something that happens to a child, not a nuclear reactor.
• You get pissed at parents of neurotypical kids because they call you selfish for NEEDING A BREAK
• Your child lectures you on the dangers of speeding as you drive them to kindergarten
• You can tell the difference between a meltdown and a temper tantrum even when nobody else can
• You have to explain EVERY step in the process. i.e. 1.raise hand 2.WAIT to be called on 3.answer.
• Your child has 3 time frames – Today, Tomorrow, and Later.
• You’re afraid to put your child in sports because it could cause a sensory meltdown in public
• You’ve ever cleaned poop off the walls of your apartment at 5am.
• You plead with your child to be allowed to throw away the packaging
• You’ve ever cried because a teacher “gets it”
• You remarry and are super grateful that your spouse chose you and loves your child like his own.
• You’ve ever wanted to strangle a neighbor kid for bullying your child but were too busy crying instead.
• You’ve ever put special locks on your doors to keep your child from eloping.
• The words, “he doesn’t look like he has Autism” make you roll your eyes.
• You don’t even react to all the strange screeches, grunts, snorts, etc coming from your child.
• You’ve got Meltdown Early Warning Radar
• You want to cry when someone says, “He must be mild…”
• You use the Nintendo or ipod as a muffling device when you know you’re going somewhere overstimulating
• You consider friends you’ve only talked to on-line as some of your most trusted confidants
• You know the name of every Thomas engine.
• You’ve wanted to strangle a parent of a neurotypical child who says your child just needs some discipline.
• Some days you don’t have much to say to “normal” parents.
• There are three sets of rules on your fridge, including one your child made for the dog. (Rules are important!!)
• You celebrate with a friend when her child eats two bites of pancakes!
• You brace yourself for a tantrum when you inform your kid there’s an errand you forgot, and wasn’t on the list
• You’ve left a full cart in the store and left because of a meltdown.
• You consider twitter peeps you’ve never met, who have autistic children, some of your best friends.
• Your child has beaten Lego Star Wars 3 times in the last year and he’s only 7.
• You watch a movie via your child mimicking it back at you instead of watching it on TV.
• You get excited when your child eats something more than chicken nuggets and pizza.
• You still bear scars from your child’s last 3 meltdowns.
• You carry earmuffs and sunglasses in your purse for your child at all times.
• You get excited when your child swears because at least they said something.
• You have to change the movie your child is watching 10 times in 5 minutes because he wants to watch something else.
• You watch the same movie over and over again with your child and don’t complain.
• You get both hit and hugged within 5 seconds of each other.
• You can’t wait for your child to go to school after a hectic weekend but miss ‘em minutes after school starts.
• You would trade everything you have to spend just half an hour in your child’s mind to know how and what they’re thinking.
• You find yourself using your child’s therapeutic coping strategies for yourself.
• Your blood boils every time you see a status update about an autistic child being bullied.
• The definition of a clean house is now one that doesn’t have an overflowing trash can, dishes in the sink are rinsed, and laundry is at least in the hamper or in the basket.
• Your friends fade as your life is consumed with many therapists, teachers, doctors, case managers, intervention specialists and these people have no clue you almost feel like they are your new best friends because you spend so much time around them and the subject of conversation is your children…
• A ‘good day’ means no one’s in the hospital, no one from the school called, no one from the police department is standing on your lawn and everyone’s sitting in one room without a problem.
• You might be an autism parent if someone walks into your house and asks if you live in a dangerous neighborhood and you say no… the window locks, gate locks and three types of door locks are to keep my kid in… not bad guys out.
• Your blood boils and it touches a nerve whenever you hear a child with autism being called the ‘R’ word.
• Sleep has become more of a luxury than routine.
• You never dare touch or move any of the perfectly lined toys/items on the floor, not even by a millimeter because you know he/she will immediately recognize the difference.
• If your child accomplishes something that may seem minor and trivial to others, but for you it’s a great milestone that calls for a huge celebration and victory dance.
• You’re able to spot another child on the spectrum from a mile away.
• You’ve come to the realization that no one else will ever truly get what being an Autism parent is like than another autism parent. ♥

#MomsMeTimeTO Reminded Us of the Importance of #MeTime

I had the honour of speaking at #MomsMeTimeTO last Friday, sharing my story of parenting 7yo boy/girl twins with special needs, and being part of my stepdaughter’s support network as well. The message for the conference was to remind moms that we need to take time for ourselves as well.

The message I hoped to get across was to remind moms to “put your oxygen mask on first”. We all get overwhelmed and stressed but it’s how you deal with that stress that is key to how well you can parent your children. I don’t pretend to have it all figured out…far from it, I am constantly working on balancing my stress levels. Keys to managing my stress levels include my weekly yoga class, journaling, meditating, knitting, meeting with my counsellor once a month, spending time with my man and friends, and gasp, disconnecting from social media. I don’t do each of these things daily, but I do know that when I’m feeling overwhelmed and don’t want to go out and interact with others, that’s the most important time for me to get out, and spend time with people. I’m an extrovert…I get my energy by spending time with people…I refill my emotional tank, so to speak.

Most of the attendees were fellow bloggers so it was kind of fun seeing everyone looking at their smart phones, or typing away on their laptops. Later that evening, I checked Twitter to find that people had been tweeting during my talk…and I was honoured by what they were saying!

Of course, with a room with lots of bloggers, the blogs are starting to be shared now so here are some of them:

Little Miss Kat & Co: “Fun weekend with #MomsMeTimeTO“

SoberJulie: “A Weekend For Me – #MomsMeTimeTO“

A Vision For Our Kids: “Defining Your Own Serenity“

1 Heart, 1 Family: “Ten Things I Learned From #MomsMeTimeTO” <added April 9, 2013>

Ideally Speaking: “A Wonderful Weekend with #MomsMeTimeTO” <added April 12, 2013>

Best of all, I met some amazing ladies on the one day I was there…can’t wait to tweet, facebook and chat with each of them!

What’s “Brewing” Under the Surface?

Started going through a lot of physical pain, just in spurts at first over a few weeks. A couple of weeks ago, I had to call Telehealth after waking up with sharp pains in my diaphragm area and tingling down my arm. I was having a hard time breathing but it was from the pain, not a difficulty of breathing. Telehealth was busy so reception took my information and called me back about a half hour later. In the meantime, I’m pacing around the house, trying to breath, taking some Advil for the pain, etc. Had the crazy thought that if someone walked in, they would think I was in labour! Honestly, I thought I was having a heart attack but it was strange that the pain was in my diaphragm (which I’m very familiar with as a former woodwind musician).

 

Told the Telehealth nurse my symptoms and she told me to go to the emergency room. Being stubborn, I told them I had FINALLY found the first comfortable position in 3 hours (it was now 5am) so when it was no longer comfortable, I would go. I woke up at 8:30am without any more pain but the area around my diaphragm was VERY tired and sore. I took it easy that day (Sunday – thankfully the kids were at their dad’s that weekend so I was able to rest), and called my doctor’s office on Monday. I already had my overdue annual physical appointment for that Thursday and we agreed that if I had that type of pain attack again, then to go to the hospital immediately, but otherwise, come in for the annual physical, and they would order some tests.

 

Initial diagnosis from my appointment was a bleeding ulcer. Fantastic. Do you know how stressful it is to know that your stress levels are so high you now have an ulcer?!! Catch-22 situation. A whole bunch of tests were run (may I just include here how much I LOVE being Canadian…free health care!) and I finally got the last ones back today. It’s not a bleeding ulcer (yay!). It’s 2 gallstones instead. Ugh.

 

At the end of the day, and despite living in Canada where medical things are FREE (thank you OHIP!), I have done the usual thing that mothers do…ignored my own needs to ensure I’m healthy. So please, if you haven’t had your annual physical in the past year/5 years/since your kids were born, please go. You never know what’s “brewing”. In my case, it’s 2 gallstones that may require surgery if we can’t manage it through medication and diet.

Our Christmas Memories

This year, my kids were with me for Christmas Eve and most of Christmas day. It was lovely waking up with them and seeing the gleam in their eyes when they saw all the presents under the tree.  My daughter wanted the “job” of handing out presents to everyone, which she did enthusiastically. She also volunteered to “help” everyone open their presents, whether we wanted her to or not…but that’s all part of the excitement of being a kid at Christmas!

My son wasn’t interested in the presents. He was more interested in his iPad so, note to future self: hide his iPad the night before Christmas so he can enjoy opening his presents, then he can have his iPad. Poor little guy started getting sick later that day so he hasn’t played with or used many of his presents but they are waiting for him when he gets back to his usual self.

My favourite part of Christmas this year though was when my stepdaughter came to visit. She gave my daughter a big doll house (her mom even had to drive her rather than her taking the bus to get here because it’s so big!). It was wonderful listening to them work together at setting it up. Then the two girls went outside to play in the snow, throwing snowballs, and building a snowman and fort. They even “tricked” me by calling me outside. Thankfully, my stepdaughter suggested I wear my winter coat when I came outside. As it turned out, my girls had made some snowballs to throw at me and, when my back was turned, they threw a shovel-full on me…witnessed (and laughed at) by one of my neighbours too.

Christmastime is all about family memories.

Twas the Night Before #Christmas

 

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tinny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Toys, and St Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”

How my 7yo spoils me

A couple of nights per week, my daughter started inviting me to her “spa”. It just suddenly started about a month ago…and I’ve been enjoying every single second of it!

 

She books appointments with various therapists for me, all of whom are her with different names. Each therapist calls me by my first name. At this age, it’s just so cute when she says my name instead of “mommy”. I’m sure it won’t be so cute when she’s screaming it at me when she’s 16 years old – LOL! Each therapist also informs me if they are running late, and explains what service they are providing prior to actually starting.

 

I lay on our leather ottoman in the living and by the end of my time at her spa, I have received a back massage (which consists of her walking on my back…she’s not allowed to get any bigger!), a back rub, a face massage, a head massage, my hair being brushed, arm massage for the wrist I fractured, pretend tattoos and sometimes even pretend makeup application.

 

What can I say? I’m a very lucky mom to have such an imaginative daughter!

Things I learned this weekend

 

According to my son:

• Toenails are called “footnails”
• The logo on the front of a car is the “car nose”
• The headlights are the car’s eyes
• A car doesn’t have a mouth

According to my daughter:

• She feels the need to ask my permission to attend a pretend party she and her playdate were planning
• She has decided that she’s going to live with me forever, with her children (gulp AND yay!)

Other things I learned:

• I don’t wanna do Grade 2 homework…stomping away like a 7 year old.
• Right now, the BEST feeling in the world is being able to take off the splint from my right wrist and “crack” it.
• I have amazing friends who decided Friday they are coming to our place for 11 hours on Saturday to get all the “little things” done from the renos To Do list
• my kids really do subscribe to the idea that it’s better to wake up really early on weekends and try to sleep in during the week. Ugh.

#Autism Just Changes the Angle of Viewing the World

 

I saw the above quote on Facebook and it reminded me of a moms retreat I attended a couple years ago (which was fantastic…and I hope my schedule allows me to attend again).  As everywhere I go, I talk constantly about Autism and how it affects our family.  I usually receive lots of questions because I only open the discussion when it’s appropriate to do so. At some point during one of the scrumptious meals at this retreat, I responded to something that someone said with “I’m so thankful my kids are both healthy, just my son has Autism as well.”  I didn’t really think anything of the comment and continued on with my meal and the general banter. 

One of the facilitators of the retreat pulled me aside after the meal and told me how wonderful it was that I said that.  I actually had to ask her to remind me what I had said because I couldn’t remember anything in particular. 

When people ask me if my life would be better if they cured Autism, I tell them that I don’t know and honestly, I don’t care.  I’m doing what I can to help him cope with the world and become the strong, independent man I hope he will be one day. Autism isn’t my son; Autism is part of my son.  It’s how he looks at life, and how he reacts to the environment around him but it’s not who he is.  I do believe that my kids are both happy and healthy, we just have to deal with a different perception on live and the activities and situations we encounter.