If this video makes you uncomfortable, then you and I probably won’t get alone in real life…
My former neighbour called me a couple weeks ago to let me know I had mail at my old apartment (how wonderful is he?). Finally had a chance to pick it up Friday night and was shocked to find a letter from my lawyer. Enclosed was my Divorce Order, dated March 21st, and that I could contest it within 31 days.
How excited was I to find out that not only my ex had filed for divorce (after bugging me for the last 2 years to file but I didn’t have the extra money to do it), but that the 31 days was up and I was legally divorced??!!!!! My man has never seen me so excited! There may have been jumping around, screaming with glee, giddiness, laughing, hugging, and just plain going crazy. There may have been a few phone calls to some girlfriends. It may have also taken me 2 hours to calm down enough to actually sit down and eat dinner. But again, all of this may have happened.
The small print I feel I should add here is that I don’t regret marrying my ex-husband because, without him, I wouldn’t have my wonderful children. I do regret how we treated eachother for the last 3 years of being together, and especially how the marriage ended, but all that is in the past now. Unfortunately, there isn’t an option for “Divorced and damn proud of it” on Facebook as a relationship status. I’ve never had so many “Likes” on a personal Facebook status. But I digress…
On Saturday, my man and I went to friends’ of his wedding. He was working (he’s a professional photographer) and also a guest; an interesting combination, but it was fun. I sat in the “audience” during the vows by myself as he was busy taking photos. It was a very surreal experience, watching two people declare their undying love, until the end of their days, while I was so excited to find out the day before that I was finally divorced (the first words out of my mouth that morning to my man may have been “I’m divorced!” instead of “good morning”, but again, that’s another may…).
I was and am happy for the couple, and hope that it will work out for them, but I’ll admit that I was watching their exchange of vows with a little bit of cynicism. I remember how I fully believed my ex-husband and I would be together forever, and I even proudly declared to my girlfriends in the beginning that I was so glad to have “gotten it right the first time”, especially since I was lucky wife number 3 for him (one of those was common-law, but it’s easier to describe as 3 wives). Fast forward about 3 years into our marriage and things started falling apart, on a slow decline with some happy “blips” along the way for the next 2 years.
I’m sure there will be paperwork I have to sign as I haven’t signed anything yet but, at the end of the day, I’m finally divorced and celebration may be occurring soon…
Thought it was time again to share some of the crazy search terms that have resulted in people finding my blog.
- Mom black pen – there’s a mom-specific black pen?! Marketing genius or just plain weird? Jury is out on this one.
- Being single vs relationship – hope whomever is contemplating this option has figured out whether they want to stay in their relationship or not. Personally, I believe that if you are contemplating your relationship status, you shouldn’t be in a relationship. Just my opinion (and experience) though.
- I’m not happy with my current relationship status – see my comment above
- Set me free from his lies – LOL! Hunny, to Quote Dr. House “everyone lies”. All you can do is choose to put up with the lies, confront them, or move on.
- Cartoons of people marrying their dog – ummm, what?! And, how did that search term bring you to my blog? For the record, I never married my dog.
- I knew it was over when… – oh let me count the ways I could finish this statement…
- itruzie bridal – I don’t even know what this is, but how is the word “bridal” finding my blog? I didn’t even wear a bridal gown when I got married. I wore a bridesmaid dress that I had made in white. I just wasn’t a big puffy white dress kind of girl, nor could I validate spending thousands of dollars on a dress.
- Breastfeeding older babies – not sure what the searcher refers to as “older babies” but I breastfed my twins until they were 1 year old…and frankly, I’m damn proud of it! They never developed the “latch” ability so I pumped for that year, and when month 11 came around, I was so sick of it but I was determined to achieve my goal of a year, and I did!
- Marriage couple between 10 -14 years of difference – my ex-husband is 14 years older than me. It worked out “grrrrreat”. LOL!
- My ex said his door is always open for me – mine said that too. I think they all do. They lie.
- Can you fake Autism – ummm, what??!!!! Why would you want to? Seek professional mental help, please…asap.
- Shemar Moore and single – is he??? Really??? He’s on my “list”. Sorry honey…
My favs of all of them is:
- Happy I’m single – Despite being in a relationship with a wonderful man…me too hunny!! No more marriage for me!
- Autism Super Power – Hear! Hear!
I was reading my NewsFeed on Facebook recently and discovered the title of an article that lead me to do some Google research: “Canadian Gov’t Dissolves Thousands of Same-Sex Marriages (Including Dan Savage’s)”. I found some additional articles from “mainstream” Canadian media as well:
- Conservatives Suggest Divorce Law Could Be Revised To Help Same-Sex Couples
- Same-sex divorce options explored by Harper government
So many thoughts are swirling around in my head (some in the “what on earth?!!!” frame of mind) that I thought I would share them, just because I can. Frankly, seeing the title of the article ticked me off. What do you mean same-sex marriages have just arbitrarily been dissolved?!! How is that “right”?!!! How would I have felt if one day I had woken up while I was married, and found out that my marriage was dissolved overnight. I don’t think my (then) husband and I would have been very happy about that. Now, it doesn’t matter, but it would sure make divorce proceedings a lot easier! LOL!
Upon further research, I discovered that it’s actually same-sex marriages of foreigners who chose to be married in Canada because their resident State or country doesn’t recognize their union. OK…BUT, as the daughter of a “foreigner” who has been a legal citizen of Canada for decades (she speaks funny and everything! ;) ), what does this mean, and why does it matter? Could this mean that my parents’ marriage could arbitrarily be dissolved because my mom was born elsewhere but my dad is Canadian-born? More research…
As it turns out, Marriage Law in Canada does not require residency inCanada, hence so many same-sex couples who live elsewhere come here to get married. Canadian Divorce Law however requires a minimum year of residency in Canada. Hmmm…seems to be a discrepancy here.
So, my question is, are heterosexual couples who got married in Canada but don’t reside here able to get divorced? I guess that isn’t really an issue considered heterosexual unions are officially recognized everywhere in the world, however I see that as being a whole different issue.
I don’t know what financial impact foreign-based couples who were married here would have on the Canadian government, let alone what impact their divorce would have, but I would hate to see the Canadian government no longer marry same-sex couples, no matter where they reside. I would imagine though that the Canadian government was able to enjoy the money they received from these couples getting marriage licenses. Are they going to refund that money now that they have dissolved these Unions?
When will we live in a society where either we ALL or NO ONE needs “declare” our sexual preference, or everyone just accepts that there is someone for everyone, no matter their gender?
I would love to hear from you regarding this topic.
Moving back to my hometown has allowed me the privilege of getting back in touch with some childhood friends in person…in November for example, the kids and I had a playdate with a childhood girlfriend, her kids and one of our classmates whom I haven’t seen in 18ish years. We were connected through Facebook, but not in person.
I have also been in touch with others I knew growing up who, ironically, have very similar stories to mine: moved back to small town after our respective marriages dissolved. A letter to those with a similar story to mine would include that we are awesome (just a bit of validation there!), that we’ll come out on top, and to not let the negatives from our marriages and post-marriage get us down.
I don’t hate him because he gave me the most amazing gifts I will ever receive: my children; but my ex-husband and I have caused eachother a lot of pain. Our marriage wasn’t all bad. There were great times along the way. Unfortunately, the bad parts seem to be in the forefront of my mind still. I’m working on that though.
You think you are the “victim” in all of your relationships: with your parents, your siblings, all 3 of your ex-wives, etc. You believe that your life is the song “My heart will go on” because your heart has been broken so many times and yet you claim to still believe in love.
When things are good in a relationship with you, they are great; when things are bad, they are beyond horrible. What you don’t understand is that you become a tsunami. What about the hearts you break? What about the wake you leave behind you? What about the destruction you leave in our lives?
I believed all the stories you told me, and now I see the similarities in your relationships, both the good parts and the ends. You claim to have “snapped”, and yet you have “snapped” at the end of two of your three marriages – I wonder about the first. I feel bad for your newest partner and her children as I hope they will not be hurt the same way your children have been hurt by your actions, and non-actions. You seem to be repeating the same patterns over and over and over again, while thinking you are embracing change, that you have learned from your mistakes, that you are empowered, and not repeating the patterns of your childhood. I don’t see change. I see all the same patterns.
I will no longer allow you to have control over me, my life, my abilities, and my potential.
Every so often, I just NEED to share with you the Google search terms that result in people visiting my blog. Some are funny, and some are just plain “ewwww!”. Here are some searches that have resulted in people coming to my blog in the last month:
Under the “Awww!” Category:
- Hugs for growth – still amazes me how much money went into finding out that hugging is a good thing…and getting 14 hugs a day is optimal
- Positive mommy quotes – LOVE that someone found my blog with this search term. I hope I helped!
- Quotes on how to be single and happy – yay! Fake it until you make it, baby!
- Freckles and redheads hot – why, thank you! For some reason though, I think this search might have searching for something other than a mommy blog…just sayin’.
- Domesticated Mommy – ha! Have you fooled!
- Happily divorced – just waiting to file the paperwork…but in my mind, I am happily divorced!
Under the “Ummm…what?! Why did you find my blog with this search term” Category:
- My son steals my daughters diaper – do I want to know if it was a clean or soiled diaper? Don’t think so.
- Marriage – why on earth are you looking to me to learn anything about marriage? I know nothing…just ask my ex-husband. Wait. Please don’t.
- Babies get high – Should I call Childrens’ Aid Society, or are you? And why on earth would that search term bring you to MY blog? I’m almost offended by this. For the record, I do NOT support babies getting high!
- Quotes on how to start a relationship – um, again…don’t ask me! I’m shocked (but happy!) my man is still around!
- Don’t like your status – then don’t read it
- Negative single parent quotes – who is researching this on Google? What are you planning on learning?
- I am not your mother anymore – amen, sister!
- I’m not the mothering type – I REALLY hope my kids never say this about me!
- Vaginal myomectomy – ahhh…been there, done that…and am SSOOO glad! Highly recommend it for anyone with a uterine fibroid.
Under the Ewwww! Category:
- Mom son sexy stories – ummm…ewwww!
What I do find cool though, is when people actually search for different variations of “ImAMomToo” and find my blog – yay!
Day 29- Who has gotten you through the most?
My mom, KG, and my kids. I don’t know how I would have gotten through my separation without the support of my mom and KG, and HAVING to get out of bed to look after my kids. The local Womens’ Centre and my doctor’s office were also amazing resources to help me through.
I spent the first year after the end of my marriage purely in “survival mode”, and now that we are settled into my hometown and are coming up on two years of separation, I’m able to “breathe”, start focusing on my mental and spiritual well-being, and healing from the breakdown of my marriage. I still have to ensure we are fed, clean and clothed, but I’m also able to do daily reflections, journaling, just plain “being”, listing daily “thankfuls”, and asking Spirit for guidance.
Day 20- Something you wished you could forget
Without going into details, I really wish I could forget the last month of my marriage. It was a horrible month, followed by lots of insecurity about what future the kids and I would have BUT, as with any negative situation, you either learn from it or let it ruin your life. I decided to learn from it, move on and am stronger for it. I discovered my inner strength, and who my true friends are…some of whom I wasn’t expecting. Most importantly though, I learned how to ask for help, which is so difficult for people, especially moms.