To Diagnose or Not, That is the Question (#SpecialNeeds)

 

With the return to school, our kids have started with new teachers and potentially new classmates, so it’s our time once again to help the new teachers and classmates understand our special children. This year, I’ve been hearing more parents talk about whether or not to tell the school, teachers and friends about their child’s diagnosis or special needs. Personally, my belief is to tell…tell everyone! The more people who know about your child’s needs, the better they can help support you and your child.

 

My son is “fortunate” to have just one diagnosis: Autism. Although Autism is trying and testing some days, it’s a very simple and relatively understood diagnosis, and one that has a lot of supports in place in the school system, and the medical community. Don’t get me wrong, I need to stay on top of everything to ensure he gets the support he needs to succeed in school, and later in life.

 

Friends of mine are constantly searching for a diagnosis for their child and they are frustrated. Every new specialist they see offers a new diagnosis, which negates the diagnosis they received from the previous one. As a result, they can’t get the appropriate external support for their child.

 

I’ve heard others recently whose children are at the age of starting school and they have an Autism or Aspergers diagnosis for their child, and are really wrestling with whether or not to tell the school and the new teacher of the diagnosis. When they ask me, I give them a very simple answer: TELL THEM!

 

Others wrestle with whether to tell their own family and friends, fearing those friends and family will treat them and/or their child differently. My harsh opinion is to cut those friends and family. Being a parent is stressful enough, let alone a parent to a child with special needs. Having friends around who aren’t willing to understand your child isn’t helpful to anyone involved.

Thankful Thursday – 01/26

This last week has been, and continues to be, a really hard week. Unfortunately, a dear friend of mine and her family are going through the hardest challenge a parent ever has to deal with, and one where no parent ever wants to be.  So, this week, I’m thankful for:

  • My son and daughter
  • Our health
  • My friend and her family being surrounded by friends and family who love and support them
  • Prayer
  • My son’s Autism team

Please give your kids extra hugs and kisses today, and every day.

 

Day 14 – Someone you’ve drifted away from

Hmmm…in this day and age, it’s hard to drift away from someone other than in person.  Friends and family know what I’m up to, and vice versa because of my personal Facebook page.  I do have a couple dear friends though who aren’t on Facebook so I don’t feel as connected to them in their daily lives, but there’s this new invention called a phone (and/or email) that keep us in eachother’s lives. ;)

 

Motivational Monday – Think Too Much?

I know that I do this often (and am working on that), so it’s always a good reminder. Something to definitely keep in the back of your mind when figuring out menus and travel logistics for the upcoming holiday season, no matter what you are celebrating (personally, we celebrate Christmas). 

Nothing needs to be “Martha Stewart acceptable”. What’s important is spending time with those you love.

 

Fill In The Blank Friday – 11/04

1.   My favorite thing about this week was/is  still to come…I’m not sure what relationship we are to eachother now but she’s still and will always be part of our family…my ex’s older daughter (and therefore my kids’ older sister) is coming to visit just us, for the first time since her father and I split up almost 2 years ago. We are REALLY looking forward to the visit!

2.   Colder weather makes me pull out the slow cooker and start cooking “properly” again.  Gotta love harvest time!

3.  Three things that make me terribly happy as of late are

  • The constant improvement in development my son is experiencing in IBI
  • My daughter’s excitement in being in French Immersion and joining lots of clubs at school
  • My man – sappy, I know but it’s true

4. If I could only wear one kind of shoe for the rest of my life, I’d choose  my slip-on runners…but I would properly and forever mourn my 3” heels, desperately wishing I could wear them again but, when I have 6 year old twins to chase after, runners it is. Ugh, this question hurts.

5.  My personality type is ENTP, through and through, however there were some years where I seemed to flip between ENTP and ENTJ. At least the “ENT” part remained the same. ;)  

6.  I have a serious problem resisting my Starbucks chai latter, and also leaving Jalapeno Cheddar Doritos in the store. I’m getting better but they just call my name when I walk by them in the grocery store.  I must be strong…

7.  My favorite colour to wear is  black shirt and dark blue jeans…very depressing I know, and it’s such a “mom uniform”. I also like wearing browns and greens too – look great on redheads.

 

30 Days About Me: Day 9 – Making My Life Easier

Day 9- Something That Makes Your Life Easier

Above everything else, my friends and family make my life easier, whether it’s coming over when things are getting too much for the day, treating me to Starbucks, or just being on the other end of the phone or email.

Other “things” that make my life easier are:

  • My “sexy” minivan
  • My computer, and specifically the internet
  • My cell phone
  • Ziploc bags
  • Organizing containers and baskets
  • Mabel’s Labels
  • Predictable bedtime routine for my kids… ;)

What makes your life easier?

Autism Makes it Through Marineland

Last week, the kids and I went to Marineland with two other families.  On our way home, I couldn’t have been more proud of both my kids, especially my son.

 

When we arrived, we went over the rules of the day, explaining the rules were because there would be so many people inside:

  • No running off
  • No whining
  • No crying
  • Stand quietly in lines
  • When tell you to do something, you do it.
  • No going to the bathroom without one of the grown ups
  • If you get separated from the grown ups, find a staff person in uniform (and we showed them what the uniforms look like)
  • When we tell you to eat or drink something, you do it (didn’t want them to get dehydrated)
  • Be on your best behaviour
  • And most importantly, HAVE FUN!

 

Thankfully, one of my friends texted to tell me about a program Marineland has for kids with special needs.  Upon arrival, we went to Guest Services and got a bracelet for my son (which he quickly took off, and we had to go back and get another one to put on his ankle).  The bracelet meant we could wait at the exit of each ride and be let in, without having to wait in lines. Phew!

 

We waited while some of our friends went on the Sky Screamer (there was no way I was doing that one!).  What truly amazed me was that my son excitedly waited for 4 other rides; his smiles and screeches of joy were amazing.  Throughout the day, he held my hand, stayed with me, did as I asked, self-regulated each time there was another child crying near us (crying is a trigger for him) so there weren’t any meltdowns.

 

He was fascinated by the beluga whales at Friendship Cove.  He had a tough time sitting through the dolphin show but he made it through.  

 

It was an amazing day.  In fact, at the end of the day, the other kids were a bit cranky, but my son wasn’t.  Actually, I’ll admit that I was the crankiest of all of us…being out in the sun all day takes a lot out of this redhead!

 

“Everyone DOES love Marineland”!

 

 * I was not paid for this post. Just sharing a family outing, and how amazing my son (who has Autism) did with all the over-stimulus during our day out. *

Proof of “Never Say Never”

 

I left my small hometown of 2,000+ people when I was 18 to venture across the country for post-secondary education.  My parents “ruthlessly” sold my childhood home (How dare they?!) in the summer before I left and moved to a farm before I visited for Christmas break of first year university.  So, I packed for university and packed everything else I had for their move.  I left my hometown saying I would “never move back until I owned my childhood home again”.  Well, never say never.

 

Fast forward 16 years.  I moved back across the country, got married, have amazing almost 6 year old twins, am now getting divorced, and the kids and I have moved to the family farm; back to my hometown.  In the past 16 years, I have lived in 2 provinces and 3 metropolitan areas, and am now getting reacclimatized to small-town living. 

 

I was pleasantly surprised to find out that library is open every day of the week, but not the number of hours in the day as it is in a city.  I was shocked to see the sign on the front door of one of the satellite library locations has Wi-fi!  Having said that, the family farm also has Wi-fi…but I digress…

 

There’s only one Early Years Centre BUT, it has OFF-SITE playgroups at various parks in the area, with staff and one volunteer from the centre to help the parents in attendance with their kids, and set up different activities.  It also has a special needs-specific program offered every Thursday morning, which was nice to attend this week to start meeting other parents of children with special needs in the area.  Staff at the Centre are so excited because “there’s a new family in town”.  DD is even attending one of the French programs, that is run by a family friend whom I babysat for as a teenager.

 

I forgot that people here tend to get married and have children earlier than I did.  I remember some friends were surprised that I was going to university to get an education (gasp!) rather than a husband (double gasp!).  It seems that many of my childhood friends got married by 21 or 22, had their first child within a year so now that we are all in our mid- to late-30s, they have pre-teen and teenagers while I’m chasing after almost 6 year old twins.  It’s a very strange realization to find out that I’m an “older mom” here.  I talked with my best friend from highschool tonight, only to find that her son is now 12 years old – he’s still 5 in my mind; my almost 6 year olds are still babies in her mind.

 

I’m having a hard time getting used to the slower pace for everything here.  Everyone works REALLY hard (my dad has cut, turned, bailed and stored more than 100 bales of hay this week, on his own…and it’s “just” a hobby farm – my parents still run their own business full time!) but the panic and stress inherent in city life just don’t seem to be here.  People actually drive the speed limit or under (you mean it’s not just a “guideline”?) here, which feels very foreign to me.  Having said that, you can get everywhere within a 15 mins drive so really, what’s the rush?

 

In the end, I think I will have to change my original “never move back until I own my childhood home again” to:

“I WILL own my childhood home again…someday”.