#StepMomMagazine – April Issue Review

Step Mom Magazine updated their Facebook status recently asking if any stepmoms in a certain area in the US were available to host events. I sent them a message stating that if they were looking to host events in Canada, I was their girl. Brenda (the editor) and I chatted through Facebook for a couple days, and then she found out I have a blog and asked if I would mind reviewing the magazine. I was excited about the opportunity, and after reading through the April issue of the magazine, it did NOT disappoint.

 

The articles were honest, informative and right on point. Two articles from the April issue were a very interesting read for me:

• Moms and Stepmoms – Can’t We All Just Get Along?
• Venom from the Ex-Wife – She Doesn’t Hate You, She Hates What You Represent

 

I always heard and continue to hear from girlfriends who have this horrible relationship with the mother of their stepchildren. I never had that. We just didn’t have a relationship (until my ex and divorced…then we had LOTS to talk about!). All details were determined between my then husband and his ex. In fact, I remember vividly once when they were in Court when I was pregnant and we were all in a smaller room in the courthouse trying to mediate some points. The two of them were arguing and he brought up about how much she must hate me because I make him happy and was having twins which he claimed was what she always wanted. I was shocked embarrassed, and just plain horrified he would say that. She just calmly said that no, she didn’t hate me; that she actually thought I was very nice. I was stunned, and really happy from that comment. I am a Libra after all…we want everyone to like us!

 

The article entitled “Stepmoms and Anxiety” describes anxiety really well, whether or not you are a stepmom, and explains realistic tools to incorporate in your every day life. A real-life situation is listed and the inner monologue broken down to reduce the anxiety associated.

 

In “Intrinsic Motivation”, there are 2 points listed for homework which I’m going to try:

• “Every time you find yourself looking to your outside world to explain your unhappiness, shift to taking responsibil­ity for your internal world.”
• “Whenever you find your­self blaming another (the ex, your partner, your stepchildren, your boss), or using an excuse, ask yourself how you can be more accountable for your inner state.”

 

The April issue was a great trip down memory lane, back to the beginning of my marriage, when I first became a stepmom. I’m blessed that, despite being divorced from her father, my stepdaughter and I have a great relationship, and I look forward to every time she comes to visit us.

 

Can’t wait to read the May issue, which is now released. Go check it out!

 

Meghan was given a one-year subscription in exchange for reviews of Step Mom Magazine.

#Divorce to #Wedding, Within 24 Hours

My former neighbour called me a couple weeks ago to let me know I had mail at my old apartment (how wonderful is he?). Finally had a chance to pick it up Friday night and was shocked to find a letter from my lawyer. Enclosed was my Divorce Order, dated March 21^st, and that I could contest it within 31 days.

How excited was I to find out that not only my ex had filed for divorce (after bugging me for the last 2 years to file but I didn’t have the extra money to do it), but that the 31 days was up and I was legally divorced??!!!!!  My man has never seen me so excited! There may have been jumping around, screaming with glee, giddiness, laughing, hugging, and just plain going crazy. There may have been a few phone calls to some girlfriends. It may have also taken me 2 hours to calm down enough to actually sit down and eat dinner. But again, all of this may have happened.

The small print I feel I should add here is that I don’t regret marrying my ex-husband because, without him, I wouldn’t have my wonderful children. I do regret how we treated eachother for the last 3 years of being together, and especially how the marriage ended, but all that is in the past now. Unfortunately, there isn’t an option for “Divorced and damn proud of it” on Facebook as a relationship status. I’ve never had so many “Likes” on a personal Facebook status. But I digress…

On Saturday, my man and I went to friends’ of his wedding. He was working (he’s a professional photographer) and also a guest; an interesting combination, but it was fun. I sat in the “audience” during the vows by myself as he was busy taking photos. It was a very surreal experience, watching two people declare their undying love, until the end of their days, while I was so excited to find out the day before that I was finally divorced (the first words out of my mouth that morning to my man may have been “I’m divorced!” instead of “good morning”, but again, that’s another may…).

I was and am happy for the couple, and hope that it will work out for them, but I’ll admit that I was watching their exchange of vows with a little bit of cynicism. I remember how I fully believed my ex-husband and I would be together forever, and I even proudly declared to my girlfriends in the beginning that I was so glad to have “gotten it right the first time”, especially since I was lucky wife number 3 for him (one of those was common-law, but it’s easier to describe as 3 wives).  Fast forward about 3 years into our marriage and things started falling apart, on a slow decline with some happy “blips” along the way for the next 2 years.

I’m sure there will be paperwork I have to sign as I haven’t signed anything yet but, at the end of the day, I’m finally divorced and celebration may be occurring soon… 

 

Day 07 – Letter to your ex

Ex,

You think you are the “victim” in all of your relationships: with your parents, your siblings, all 3 of your ex-wives, etc.  You believe that your life is the song “My heart will go on” because your heart has been broken so many times and yet you claim to still believe in love.

When things are good in a relationship with you, they are great; when things are bad, they are beyond horrible.  What you don’t understand is that you become a tsunami.  What about the hearts you break?  What about the wake you leave behind you?  What about the destruction you leave in our lives?

I believed all the stories you told me, and now I see the similarities in your relationships, both the good parts and the ends.  You claim to have “snapped”, and yet you have “snapped” at the end of two of your three marriages – I wonder about the first.  I feel bad for your newest partner and her children as I hope they will not be hurt the same way your children have been hurt by your actions, and non-actions.  You seem to be repeating the same patterns over and over and over again, while thinking you are embracing change, that you have learned from your mistakes, that you are empowered, and not repeating the patterns of your childhood. I don’t see change.  I see all the same patterns.

I will no longer allow you to have control over me, my life, my abilities, and my potential.