One of my favourite memories is of my maternal grandfather. I spent the summer in England when I was 16 at my aunt, uncle and cousin’s place. My grandfather came to visit because “how often is my Canadian grand-daughter staying here?”. Later during the summer, I went to stay at his place because “how often do I get to see my grandfather in his home in England?”.
I have two very fond memories from visiting with my grandfather that summer. One was when we went to the local beach one morning, molded the sand into “chairs”, sat down and started chatting…the next thing we knew, it was almost dinnertime. I don’t remember exactly what we talked about, but I still remember the comfort of the time with him, the environment that surrounded us, the waves from the water, the feel of the sand beneath us. Pretty much a perfect day, and that’s why I feel most at ease when around water…it takes me back to that day.
The second memory proved how cool my grandfather was. When I went to his place to stay with him for a few days, we went on a walking tour around the city and, at lunch time we decided to pop into the pub…where my grandfather ordered and gulped back a pint of Guinness at noon. My grandfather was cool!
Took a week off of the 30 Letters in 30 Days because the craziness that is our life kinda took over but things are relatively under control now, so back to it…
The last person I kissed was my daughter, when I put her to bed for the night. The person before that of course was my son. Not much of a surprise I guess.
Day 21 – Someone you judged by their first impression
I try not to judge people by their first impression but, I am human so it happens every once in a while. Most first impressions I can get past but, something that leaves me with a bad first impression is when someone has a bad handshake. I was bought up to believe someone’s handshake says a lot about them, and I have yet to be proven wrong by someone’s handshake. So, when I offer my hand to shake yours, please remember that I am judging you if you have a weak handshake and don’t look me in the eye.
Day 22 – Someone you want to give a second chance
I can’t think of anyone in particular that I want to give a second chance to…if anything, I give people too many chances. If someone is no longer in our life, then it means that they ran out of chances with me and/or they didn’t believe in my son’s abilities.
Day 19 – Someone that pesters your mind – good or bad
Hate to admit it but it’s not that much of a surprise…my ex pesters my mind in a bad way. We both know how to annoy the other, and how to get under eachother’s skin. I’m working on changing how I react to things he does and says, and how I communicate with him, but I know it will take time.
Day 20 – Someone that broke your heart the hardest
I don’t want to be so predictable as to say that my ex broke my heart the hardest, so I won’t….because honestly, he didn’t. What breaks my heart the most is when people discard my son as stupid and unable to do things because he has Autism. My son is intelligent, happy, affectionate, and once he learns how to interact with the world as he sees it, there will be no stopping him. The few times people have told me that he needs to be institutionalized is what breaks my heart, rips it out, and stomps all over it. He is high functioning, especially now that he’s learning how to communicate verbally so don’t tell me that I need to institutionalize him and throw away the key. He’s my son. Don’t make me go all mama-bear on you!
Simply, I don’t wish that I was someone else. I am who I am now because of everything I have gone through, whether good or bad. Don’t get me wrong, there are things I would change about myself, characteristics I wish I could tweak, but overall, my kids are happy, we have a great network of understanding friends and family, and my daughter even tells me regularly that she thinks I’m “the best mom EVER” (only time will tell if she still thinks that when she’s a teenager).
Having said that, I wish I was someone who was more rested, always had a clean sink, caught up on laundry, etc. Alas, my kids and I live in our home. So there will be days when there is less carpet than the “carpet” of toys around, I’m sick of not having a dishwasher, and one day both my kids will be potty trained so hopefully there won’t be as much laundry. Hmmm…so basically, I’m wishing for the day when my kids don’t live at home anymore, but considering my daughter informed me the other day that when she’s “a grown up, and have babies, we’ll live with you mommy, and we can still be one big, happy family”. Love it! Deal!
Moving back to my hometown has allowed me the privilege of getting back in touch with some childhood friends in person…in November for example, the kids and I had a playdate with a childhood girlfriend, her kids and one of our classmates whom I haven’t seen in 18ish years. We were connected through Facebook, but not in person.
I have also been in touch with others I knew growing up who, ironically, have very similar stories to mine: moved back to small town after our respective marriages dissolved. A letter to those with a similar story to mine would include that we are awesome (just a bit of validation there!), that we’ll come out on top, and to not let the negatives from our marriages and post-marriage get us down.
Hmmm…not sure who to write this letter to because if I miss someone, I just pick up the phone, send an email or Facebook them. A few days ago though, the topic was to write a letter to a deceased person you wish you could talk to. I think they would be the ones I miss.
Hmmm…in this day and age, it’s hard to drift away from someone other than in person. Friends and family know what I’m up to, and vice versa because of my personal Facebook page. I do have a couple dear friends though who aren’t on Facebook so I don’t feel as connected to them in their daily lives, but there’s this new invention called a phone (and/or email) that keep us in eachother’s lives.
Hmmm…tough one. I’m not aware of anyone who is important to me and involved in my life who is holding a grudge or something against me. I know there are a couple of people who have something to forgive me about, but they aren’t actively involved in my life – we need to forgive eachother and ourselves. I don’t waste energy on wanting someone else to forgive me. I am who I am. Yes I mess up, but when I do, I work through it with whoever is involved…if they are important enough in my life.
I don’t hate him because he gave me the most amazing gifts I will ever receive: my children; but my ex-husband and I have caused eachother a lot of pain. Our marriage wasn’t all bad. There were great times along the way. Unfortunately, the bad parts seem to be in the forefront of my mind still. I’m working on that though.