I never know what to say

Moving to a new town means a new home, new surroundings, new experiences, new schedules and meeting new people (or reconnecting with childhood friends like I am since we moved back to my hometown).  I’m not a shy person (by far!) so I have no problem striking up a conversation with someone.  Eventually though, the dreaded question is asked… “So, what do you do for a living?”. 

 

As a former career-girl, I’m still quite tongue-tied by this question.  I proudly use to say that I had to find a man who was willing and able to be the stay at home dad because I was going back to work as soon as I could after giving birth.  My career was my focus, and I was proud of it.  Having children changed everything!  When I HAD to go back to work when my twins were 3 months old because I didn’t have benefits (in Canada, we can take up to a year) so my (now ex-) husband stayed home for 7 months as his work had top-up.  Since then, I have regretted having to go back to work and I’m glad I get the opportunity to be with them now.

 

A year and a half ago, I unexpectedly became a SAHM, partly because I couldn’t find childcare and partly (mostly) because of my marriage breaking up.  Last fall, I had secured a full time contract back in my former career, at a level where it was as if I hadn’t been away from that career track for 4 years.  Unfortunately, 6 weeks into the position, my childcare fell through.  Finding care for my daughter is easy because she’s “neurotypical” but finding care for my son is a bit more complicated because he has Autism. 

 

When I say that my job is looking after my kids, I’m still not at the point of saying it with pride, even though I am very proud of it!  Friends have looked after my kids for the odd commitment I’ve had where their father couldn’t take them, and they usually tell me that they don’t know how I do it, they didn’t realize how much my son needed to be watched like a hawk, and that I make it look so easy. ~Blush~

 

So, when I’m asked what I do for a living, I tend to use the past tense: “I used to be a fundraiser, and an organizer, now I’m a SAHM.”  Logically, I know that if anyone else has a “problem” with it or looks down on me for “wasting” my university education and 2 college diplomas on being a SAHM, that’s their problem.  The question is, how do I change my own thinking so I can stop being “apologetic” to myself about being a SAHM? 

 

Perhaps I should switch out the words “Stay-At-Home-Mom” with the 2^nd definition of the acronym “SAHM” on this online dictionary … “Sexy And Hot Momma”…tee hee…  

 

6 Years Ago Today…

Six years ago today, I started the greatest journey of my life; the hardest job I will ever have; the most rewarding thing to happen to me…my amazing kids turn 6 today!

 

My entire life, I had been petrified of giving birth, and not just the usual fear that women have the first time around of giving birth.  I always told my mother to just knock me out and wake me up when it was over.  Little did I know that I would be one of “those” women…the women that “didn’t know” they were in labour.  If I hadn’t had a doctor’s appointment that day, I would imagine my son would have been born in the car on the way to the hospital (he was “Baby A”).  Only TWENTY minutes of pushing…for TWO babies!  I know, you hate me now.  They were five weeks early and weighed 5lbs 10oz (daughter) and 6lbs 5oz (my son)…kinda glad they didn’t go full term!

 

Everyone comments immediately after meeting my daughter or seeing a photo of her that she looks exactly like me.  When they were really young, their father walked into the nursery to find me crying while I was looking at her.  He panicked a bit and, after realizing that the babies were both okay, asked me what was wrong.  I turned to him and told him “she looks like me!” and continued crying.  Thankfully, he understood what I meant.  I’m adopted and had never seen a familial resemblance before.  When I saw it for the first time, it was overwhelming.

 

Whenever I show my daughter pictures of me as a kid, she gets this cute look on her face and says “it’s me, but why do I have straight hair?”. She has strawberry-blond wavy hair (with ringlets that appear underneath when she’s too hot), and green eyes.  She’s tall, athletic and has a voracious curiosity about life that is completely admirable.  She’s a great mixture of girly-girl who loves superheros (Spiderman is her fav), mighty machines, and wants to be a princess when she gets older because she wants her own castle.

 

Everyone comments on how tall my son is as he’s 2” taller than she is and 15lbs (!!!) heavier.  He has dirty blond hair, blue-grey eyes, and the biggest smile I’ve EVER seen – which has become even cuter now that he’s lost his first two teeth. J He’s got their father’s side of the family’s build (football player) and my height (I’m taller than their father). 

 

My son has Autism, but that’s just a small part of his make-up.  He was born with an “old soul” look to him.  He has a calm thoughtfulness to him, happily playing by himself, exploring his world the way he wants to explore, until he gets really excited when he gets very loud and excited.  His obsession is letters.  He is always writing, typing, and creating letters out of whatever materials he can find…blocks, playdoh, etc.  Normally, he’s writing out Walt Disney movie-related words, specifically from the credits, but he’s been surprising us all in that last six months where he’s been connecting words he’s writing/creating with the world around him. 

 

They teach me so much about myself: my abilities and weaknesses, my patience and my pressure points, how protective I can be and yet how much of a laissez-faire attitude I can have.  I was proud to be a career-driven woman, then I became a mother, and I wouldn’t give that up for the world.  They are my greatest achievements and I don’t regret changing my focus to them at all.

Walt Disney World Excitement For…

 

 

 

My kids were counting down the time all morning until we went.  When I told them it was finally time to go, they both ran out to our “sexy” mini van and strapped into carseats like pros.  They were asking “are we there yet?” with so much glee in their voices, I chuckled while giving them a play by play of how to get there; how much longer the 4 mins drive would take.

 

You would have thought that we were going to Walt Disney World or some other trip of a lifetime but we weren’t.  I had finally received a bill in my name at our new address, so we were finally able to … get a library card! I even got each of them their own library cards for their birthday tomorrow…shh, don’t tell them.

 

So, we piled into the car and drove over to the library, where they ran to the front door of the library, I reminded them that they needed to be on their best behaviour, they opened the door and started exploring. Being in a small town now, the main library is smaller than the main library in the city we just moved from but they were happy to see that the relatively large kids section was still filled with books, CDs and DVDs.  We introduced ourselves to the librarians and staff, and my daughter told them how excited she was to be there, and then the rest of her and her brother’s life stories, including that they are twins.

 

Their father and I would take the kids to the farmer’s market and library almost every Saturday of their lives when they were younger, and participate in play groups at the library.  As they got older, we weren’t going every week, but we would still go regularly.  Even after we split, we both still take them to the library.  The library is as important to their father as me…he used to own a bookstore.

 

I went to the library all the time as a kid, and made my way through the Nancy Drew series as fast as possible.  It drove me crazy though when the next book in the series was already checked out because, for some reason, it never occurred to me that I could just skip it and read it when it came back in. 

 

My grandfather who lived in England even had a library card at that library too.  He came to visit for 3 weeks every year and would borrow books during his visit too.  I have fond memories of coming home from school and he was sitting in “my” chair in the living room, reading a book, and smoking his pipe. To this day, the smell of a pipe reminds me of him, and I smile.

 

I hope that my kids have fond memories of the library when they grow up, and that they will instill the same love of reading the library in their kids.

My “Understanding” of Current Events

 

 

 

Being a SAHM to 6 year old twins can be a bit isolating, especially when we just moved back to the family farm and one of my twins has Autism.  Having said that, one always needs to find humour or the positive in every situation so I thought I would share with the world my interpretation on current events.  Please note, pretty much the only sources of information for me is Facebook, Twitter, a music radio station we listen to in the car, and kids’ shows.  So, here are my ramblings without Googling the items first…

 

PRE-GOOGLING

Norway – with the greatest respect, I know something horrible has happened but, couldn’t tell you any details other than people have died. 

 

RIM is laying off 2,000 people – so many families affected…wait, how big is this company?  Crap, I just upgraded to a Blackberry.

 

US Debt – ummm…how is this “news”?  Haven’t they always been in debt?

 

Somalia – what’s going on? I’m guessing it’s related to famine or AIDS.  Either way, it can’t be good.

 

Ontario weather – I’ve stopped checking the daily weather report.  It’s hot.  Hotter than hell.  High temperature plus humidity makes it about ten million.  Glad I have naturally straight hair.  Sorry curly or wavy haired girls…

 

Amy Winehouse died – too bad.  So young. Unfortunately, with the amount of partying she did, I’m not all that surprised…wait, how many times has she been in rehab?  Didn’t help her apparently.

 

Fabio has become the new Old Spice guy – he’s alive? I really need to see this!!

 

JLo & Marc Anthony split up – oh no! Another fellow family with twins bites the dust. So sad.

 

POST – GOOGLING

Oh Gawd.  I suck.  I really need to start paying more attention to the world outside of our little family but…wait, excuse me while I stop my son from pulling at the blinds again, and my daughter from climbing on the back of the couch again…

 

However, I gave myself a little pat on the back this morning to discover that I was already following all but 3 of this week’s 20 Mommy Bloggers List from SweetSpot.ca.

 

I know. I need to get out more often.

Speak Up For Special Needs!

 

 

 

Was at the Early Years Centre this morning with my soon-to-be (next Wednesday!) 6 year old DS for its “Something Special” program offered every Thursday morning.  It’s a program where parents of kids with special needs and their children can come and play.  The toys put out are more sensory-based than when we regularly go there.

 

I was speaking with another mom whom I met last week.  Her son is entering Kindergarten this September and we have been chatting about how to advocate for your child.  She’s having an issue with her son playing soccer.  The coach’s son is bullying her child a bit, and instigating bad behaviour in her child.  I was offering suggestions of the type of language she can use with the assistant coach as she’s pretty sure the assistant coach is aware of the issue, based on comments he’s made in the past. 

 

She’s a very calm and quiet woman so I was trying to encourage her that this situation she’s encountered with soccer will be great practice for her in advocating for her son in Kindergarten in the fall.  The big difference she and I had walking into Kindergarten was that my son has an official diagnosis (of Autism) whereas her son doesn’t yet have a diagnosis. 

 

My kids had been in daycare prior to Kindergarten so we didn’t have to work on transitioning to school at all…especially since their former daycare centre was located in a school.  That made it a bit easier for my son.  In Grade 1 this September however, he will be attending a special needs class at school AND (hopefully) IBI will have started/be starting. 

 

My biggest advice to parents of children with special needs, diagnosed or not, is learn how to be assertive with the school system.  If your child can/may/will benefit from something, ask for it to be implemented.  If you work with the school, they will usually try to do as much to accommodate HOWEVER, also empower yourself with your school board’s policies related to special needs and special needs accommodation in the classroom.  Request a meeting with your principal (and teacher and Educational Assistant) prior to school starting, and continue to follow up until you get that meeting.  Be the “squeaky wheel” but please be nice about it. 

 

Arm yourself with information and knowledge because YOU are your child’s best

and sometimes ONLY advocate!

Things that make you go hmmm…

 

Of all the things I love about Twitter, one of the things I enjoy is reading the inspirational quotes that are aplenty each and every day.

 

Recent ones I’ve enjoyed are:

• “You are important!! You must believe this!! You were created from greatness…let your brilliance shine!” ~ @DrMommy
• “Focus on the people who show that they truly love and care about you. Forget about the ones that don’t.” ~ @SimpleLoveTweet
• “Self-care is preventative care. Take care of you now to ensure a healthy body, spirit and mind. Self-care is never selfish. It’s survival!” ~ @CafeSmom (for the record, I’m still working on this one!)
• “Don’t be afraid to believe that you can have what you want & have what you deserve.” ~ @TheNotebook

 

It only takes a minute or two to scan through tweets to find something that inspires me.  Sometimes I make it my Facebook status for the day, sometimes I retweet it on Twitter, but either way, I want to share them so, I thought I would share one that @Rambling_Writer posted earlier this week.  She posted a picture of the wallpaper she just put on her cell phone that reads:

I am beautiful

I am important

I am smart

I am enough

 

And can be viewed here… http://twitpic.com/5s2zn5.

 

It reminded me of the words I have told my kids every night since they were born, when tucking them into bed:

Good night sweetheart

I love you

Sweet dreams

Dream big

 

Before I go to bed, I also read the Daily Essay from Sarah Ban Breathnach’s book: Simple Abundance – A Daybook of Comfort and Joy.  It allows me a few minutes to myself, to calm my brain and refocus from the chaos of the day, which also allows me to sleep better.

 

So my question to you is, where do you find your words of wisdom and inspiration?

Proof of “Never Say Never”

 

I left my small hometown of 2,000+ people when I was 18 to venture across the country for post-secondary education.  My parents “ruthlessly” sold my childhood home (How dare they?!) in the summer before I left and moved to a farm before I visited for Christmas break of first year university.  So, I packed for university and packed everything else I had for their move.  I left my hometown saying I would “never move back until I owned my childhood home again”.  Well, never say never.

 

Fast forward 16 years.  I moved back across the country, got married, have amazing almost 6 year old twins, am now getting divorced, and the kids and I have moved to the family farm; back to my hometown.  In the past 16 years, I have lived in 2 provinces and 3 metropolitan areas, and am now getting reacclimatized to small-town living. 

 

I was pleasantly surprised to find out that library is open every day of the week, but not the number of hours in the day as it is in a city.  I was shocked to see the sign on the front door of one of the satellite library locations has Wi-fi!  Having said that, the family farm also has Wi-fi…but I digress…

 

There’s only one Early Years Centre BUT, it has OFF-SITE playgroups at various parks in the area, with staff and one volunteer from the centre to help the parents in attendance with their kids, and set up different activities.  It also has a special needs-specific program offered every Thursday morning, which was nice to attend this week to start meeting other parents of children with special needs in the area.  Staff at the Centre are so excited because “there’s a new family in town”.  DD is even attending one of the French programs, that is run by a family friend whom I babysat for as a teenager.

 

I forgot that people here tend to get married and have children earlier than I did.  I remember some friends were surprised that I was going to university to get an education (gasp!) rather than a husband (double gasp!).  It seems that many of my childhood friends got married by 21 or 22, had their first child within a year so now that we are all in our mid- to late-30s, they have pre-teen and teenagers while I’m chasing after almost 6 year old twins.  It’s a very strange realization to find out that I’m an “older mom” here.  I talked with my best friend from highschool tonight, only to find that her son is now 12 years old – he’s still 5 in my mind; my almost 6 year olds are still babies in her mind.

 

I’m having a hard time getting used to the slower pace for everything here.  Everyone works REALLY hard (my dad has cut, turned, bailed and stored more than 100 bales of hay this week, on his own…and it’s “just” a hobby farm – my parents still run their own business full time!) but the panic and stress inherent in city life just don’t seem to be here.  People actually drive the speed limit or under (you mean it’s not just a “guideline”?) here, which feels very foreign to me.  Having said that, you can get everywhere within a 15 mins drive so really, what’s the rush?

 

In the end, I think I will have to change my original “never move back until I own my childhood home again” to:

“I WILL own my childhood home again…someday”.